Game 83: Blue Jays at Red Sox

The team needs to revive the corpse that is our offense

Can the Red Sox avenge a poor showing so far against the Jays this season (winning just two games out of seven so far)? Maybe, but our offense is sure going to need to come alive for that to happen. Because it’s dead. Stone-cold, dead-and-gone, in-the-ground dead.

Anybody ever had a Corpse Reviver cocktail? It was invented in the Victorian era, allegedly as a means of bringing a hangover-sufferer back to life. Now I see that Corpse Reviver is also the name of a brand of health beverage involving ingredients like berries and hibiscus.

Frankly, I don’t care what they drink or what it takes—round up all the Corpse Revivers, sonic bomb alarm clocks, magical artifacts, necromancers, whatever. We need to do nothing less than wake the dead. Let’s start tonight, huh?

First pitch is at 7:10 PM ET on NESN and WEEI.